Change

You know I really have been adverse to change my whole life. I don't know why this is the case but it seems like I have always dreaded it. Whether its changing jobs, moving, staying in relationships, or keeping the same clothes, I have never liked the thought of what these changes might mean to me. In many cases, I have missed making the "right changes". But in the last several months I have been going through lots of "changes." Since 1999, I have been the Director of the Damien Center of Troy, a community center for people living with HIV/AIDS. Until December of last year, I was also the Director of the Schenectady Damien Center. The Damien Centers provide social and recreational activities, peer support, hot meals, and referral services to people living with the disease and to their families and significant others. I can't tell you how much this work has meant to me. Being able to provide a level of comfort to those dealing with many issues (besides AIDS) has helped me become a better person. More compassionate, more understanding, and less judgmental. I have met people from all over the country and the world who struggle with this on a daily basis. They have become my friends. I have laughed often and cried as well. The numbers of people who have come into my life and who I have been blessed to know have been many. But the most fearful change of all is death. And in 7 years, I have lost too many of my friends. But I have been inspired by each of those who have passed. I can honestly say, I do fear sickness and pain. I have seen what my friends have endured and it scares me. But the strength and courage they showed in the worst of times has given me the strength to not fear death anymore. I have an evolving faith and its that faith that will help me with the changes in my life. So I am still adverse to change....but....I will embrace it for no other reason then because it is necessary.