Fuck Off 2024

 Well, we are once again holding on to a tradition that started back in 2006.  Posting on the last day of the year.  2024 has been one of the worst years in my memory.  Just a shit load of grief and loss. Within a couple of weeks I lost my brother John and I lost the last of my mother sisters, my aunt Pat.  In the summer and in the fall, I lost two Theater friends, John R and Seana Munson and two cousins, Darren and Ed.  One of my sweet chihuahuas, Zorina, also passed away.  Then the election came and half of the country decided to put their faith in Donald Trump again apparently thinking he’s gotten better since the last time he was president. In February, I got engaged to that beautiful man I mentioned in last year’s post.  Looks like it’ll be a 2025 marriage if he’ll still have me which is somewhat in doubt at this very moment.  Relationships are really complicated sometimes.  So I’m doing my best to stay positive through a very depressing time that we are living in now.  It’s very hard to be hopeful as I always try to be in this blog.  If I’m back next year, it will be 20 years since I’ve been writing in this blog.  Some interesting stories, especially when I went to Iraq and to Kuwait.  Made a few friends, lost a few friends,  learned a few things, forgot a few things.   Goodbye 2024.  Hope the new year is everything for you.  Peace.  

So Long 2023, Hello 2024!

 Greetings, dear friends!  Well, it seems like only 365 days ago I was writing about how hopeful I was about the coming year.  2022 ended and I was hopeful about 2023.   And here we are again.  Keeping this tradition, going of writing one post on the last day of December each year. According to last year’s post I’ve been doing this since 2010!  And here we are again.  All years have ups and down, and 2023 certainly had both.  Downs included the collapse of my business and the mental depression that set as a result.  The loss of my dear Lou Lou (my affectionate and loving chihuahua). But there have been ups.   Last year I made a goal of rejoining a faith community.  In February I started going to church again.  And I joined the choir.  And I started writing poetry and started recording songs and singing again.  I met someone.  A beautiful young man.  We have spent just a few days apart since we met in May.  I am excited about what lies ahead.

I’m with him now.  And I’m going to make this quick.  Cause I don’t want to spend another moment without him.  Happy New Years my friends and lovers!

The Boy Who Called Himself Jesus

 Memory: THE BOY WHO CALLED HIMSELF JESUS

Eddie was weird. Like really weird. Oh and what a drama king he was. You see back in the day, Eddie (you may know him as Glenn), use to watch with his family all the movies around the holidays that told the story of Jesus. He was particularly moved by the movies "The Greatest Story Ever Told" and the mini-series they showed around Easter called "Jesus of Nazareth." He loved a good story and this was a great story. This story of Jesus. He was better than any superhero for sure. And he offered something to us that Superman and Batman never could. Eternal Life. And he did so much good! He was perfect. And everyone loved him. Or so Eddie thought. More on that later. But in the mid to late 70s, Eddie was looking for a role model and this guy Jesus seemed to fit the bill. So Eddie, that weird little kid that use to kiss his Christmas tree branches, decided that he was going to not just act like Jesus, but he was going to BE JESUS. Yes you heard that right. From a certain point, Eddie started telling other kids at school who he was. He was Jesus. Jesus of Nazareth. And for weeks, everyday, Eddie would act out a scene at school where he could show everyone how he had been transformed from the kid they bullied at school, to their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The kids at school didn't know how to respond but they laughed and even went along with the "joke." Kid after kid would come up to Eddie and ask Eddie who he was. "Why I am Jesus...Jesus of Nazareth, my child". And they laughed again. Eddie was even asked his name by teachers and he would respond the same way. "I am Jesus Christ, and I forgive you for all your sins." Sometimes the teachers laughed, but mostly they thought he was just looking for attention. And they were right. Eddie was looking for attention. He was tired of being bullied, but he remembered how Jesus handled his bullies. He just forgave them and let them do what they had to do. And strangely, the bullies laid off him a bit. I mean, who wanted to punch someone or give a wedgie to a kid that calls himself Jesus? Eddie's most dramatic moment came when he decided he was going to run the "money changers" out of the "temple" (cafeteria) one day and then re-created the famous scene where Jesus upsets the tables at the temple and calls out the high priests for desecrating God's holy place. Though the School Administrators generally looked the other way when Eddie was "Peaceful Jesus" just claiming he was Jesus, they took notice and were disturbed when Eddie starting flipping tables in the lunch room and calling out the unrepentant by referring to them as the "Whores of Babylon" and saying they were going to hell unless they gave up everything and followed him. That incident, triggered the Administration (Eddie referred to them as the "Roman Empire" and the Principal as "Pontius Pilate") to suspend Eddie and to have a conference with his parents. Eddie came from a big Catholic family, and his Grandmother was devout. Concerned for many reasons, His Grandmother, asked the local priest for an intervention. Eddie, seemed to get the fact that maybe he was in a little over his head, decided that he didn't want to have a priest attempt some kind of exorcism on him, so he decided to acknowledge to everyone, that maybe he wasn't the second coming and that he never really believed he was THE Jesus. So Jesus of Nazareth, suddenly became just Eddie of Watertown. For years, Eddie's friends called him the "kid that thought he was Jesus." His greatest role to date. And the funny thing is, when he was acting out that part, he really tried hard to be kind and compassionate toward others. He just tried to emulate Jesus. He forgave those who bullied him and he tried to help those who were bullied. In short, he was a better person. For a few weeks, he emulated Jesus, and just like the real Jesus, he was persecuted for it. (He was smart enough, however, to drop the "I am your savior" routine once he thought the crucifixion was imminent) We all had role models growing up. Was it bad that Eddie chose Jesus as that role model? And it, in many ways, it made him a better person. We admire people ---actors, firefighters, astronauts, sports stars, etc. and these were imperfect choses. But Eddie chose Jesus...and well...that was unacceptable. Not because he acted like Jesus, but because he wanted to BE Jesus. And to our modern world, that makes him crazy. Weird. Strange. Like I said. He was (I was) a weird kid. Happy New Year!

Like

Comment

Share

That time of year again.

 And just like that, here we are.  Saying goodbye to old 2022 and welcoming in 2023.  I have posted annually on this night for number of years.  In some years it was the only post that year.  My first year in which I posted, was in 2006.  December 2006, I was in Iraq.  In that post I mentioned how the previous New Year's (2005) was spent with my good friend Christa and my buddy Goutham.  Tonight, 16 years later, I will spend the night at Christa's home to celebrate.  In subsequent years, I'd do my best to post my thoughts of the year that past and my hopes for the upcoming year.  I missed a few years, for whatever reasons, but I decided that if I was going to post just one post a year than that post should be on the last day of the year.  Since 2010, I have kept this tradition alive.  And so here we are.  Another year in the books and another year---with high hopes----is on the way.  What can I say about 2022?  Well its been a tough year.  And its been a good year.  And there have been highs and there have been lows.  Same as every year I guess. This year started out quite hopeful and then it seems like everyone's mood darkened.  COVID was still hitting hard and even I got it.  The cost of everything went up and sales in my business went down.  Thankfully, it looks like the cost of things are stabilizing and my business did much better in the half of the year than in the first.  I am hopeful for a better 2023 for myself, my family, and all my friends.  I have taken up writing and reading more consistently and am working hard on re-igniting my somewhat dormant spirituality.  Beginning last January 1st, I started reading and listening to a podcast called "Bible in a Year."  I made it through the whole bible (some really interesting stuff for sure) and I learned a lot.  On Christmas Eve I attended a Candle Light service at a church around the corner from my house.  It really made me think.  In the new year, I will continue this path.  Not sure exactly where it will lead, but I am committed to making a transformation that will be good not just for me but for those around me as well.  

Over the years, I have been pretty effective at re-inventing myself.  Sixteen years ago, I became a soldier again and went to war.  But now, I just want to be a warrior for peace.  I want to share my love and to help my neighbor.  I want to be the light in the darkness for those who so badly need it.  I pray, that the Almighty, will grant me the grace and the opportunity to do this.  

Thank you for reading, even if you are the only one.  God Bless you and best wishes to you in the coming year.  

Remembering Dad

 Advent Calendar December 9, 2022: Remembering Dad.

A few days before Thanksgiving in 1991, my dad had fell ill and was taken to the hospital. I got the call from my sister, who told me that he had a slight stroke and that he was awake but partially paralyzed. When I spoke to him on the phone he was very hard to understand and I felt that he was much worse off than she suspected. At the time I was attending the University at Albany and was busy writing papers and preparing for exams. I had planned on going home for Thanksgiving anyway, so I packed up and headed north to Watertown in order to be with the family. Seeing him at the hospital was hard. He struggled to move much of the left side of his body and his speech was very slurred, but I could understand him. It wasn't easy to see him that way. The worse moment for me was when he started sobbing when I brought up my brother John's name. He told me he really wished John was there. I had seen my dad shed a tear now and then...mostly a emotional reaction to something sentimental. (I am the same way...I cry at sappiest shit now Ha ha.) But this was much more painful. To this day, I still have memories of how helpless he looked and how helpless I felt at observing the physical and emotional pain he was experiencing. The following week I returned to Albany, hoping that dad would recover, but also knowing that things would never be the same for him, regardless. Sadly, on December 11, 1991 dad had a second, more severe stroke and died. So I again headed north in order to work with my mother and family on the arrangements. Our family has 7 children...6 boys and one girl, my twin sister. And for the first time in 20 years, all of my siblings had gathered together on this very sad occasion. We had many cousins too. My mom's sister (who was a twin as well) had 10 children. But unlike my mom, my Aunt Joan had 10 children and no husband. One of my cousins and I were having a conversation about dad and he told me how much he loved him. To my cousins, my dad wasn't just an uncle. One cousin told me "We thought you were rich....but really we thought that because you had a father." My cousins shared with me how my dad had taken it upon himself to do his best to provide for them. We sometimes wondered why we didn't get more at Christmas, but I learned during those conversations with my cousins that the reason we didn't get more was because dad was buying gifts for all of Aunt Joan's kids in addition to us. One cousin said "If it wasn't for your dad and mom, there would have been absolutely nothing for them on many Christmas mornings over the years. " I am so glad that they shared that information with me. Because honestly, my dad and I didn't always get along very well and we never had a very tight bond. My appreciation of him grew and I had a different, more positive opinion of him as a result. Christmas 1991 was sad, because we lost our dad. But the best present for me that year was given to me by my cousins. They let me know how much my dad meant to them and how lucky we were to have him as our dad. Great present for Christmas.

Home for Christmas via the Holiday Christmas Train

 Advent Calendar December 8, 2022: The Party Train Home

Yesterday I sang a bit of "I'll Be Home for Christmas". And in 1983, I was a brand-new Private attending Basic/AIT in lovely Fort Jackson, South Carolina. I had arrived there in August to start my Basic Training and after graduating from basic in mid-October, I was sent off to the other side of the base to start my course work to qualify as an Administrative Specialist in the US Army. The good thing about going from Basic to AIT was that we got a little more freedom, including weekend "passes" and the chance to wear civilian clothes again. But we did not get leave between Basic and AIT, so it would be couple of months more before I would be able to go home. And so, I attended the Administrative Specialist Course, and learned how to type a variety of memos, forms and other documents. The weeks seemed to drag on. But as we entered November, our Drill Sergeants started talking about the block leave in December that everyone would be taking as the Base closed down over the Christmas/New Year holidays. And they let us know that we should begin making leave plans including how we intended to get home. While most of my fellow soldiers planned on flying, there were other options. I happened to see a flyer that advertised the "Holiday Party Train" on Amtrak that was leaving Fort Jackson and heading north, all the way to NYC! And although I don't remember the cost, I knew it was cheaper than flying and it seemed like quite an adventure. So many of my fellow soldiers and I, who all lived on the East Coast took the ride home on the Party Train. And as I recalled, there was quite a party on board. Lot's of drinking and carrying on the whole trip. And we stopped at almost every town along the route, dropping off soldiers as we went along. The train left in late afternoon a few days before Christmas and traveled all night. I am not sure how much sleep I got, but it wasn't much. I was too damn excited. Early in the morning the next day the train pulled into Penn Station in NYC and I hailed a cab to Grand Central Station to transfer to a train that would take me to Syracuse, where my twin and our friend Jim would pick me up. Then we had to drive from Syracuse to Watertown for the last part of this long journey home. Seeing my family and friends for the first time since early August felt so good. It was so wonderful to be home again and especially at Christmas. And whenever I see movies, like White Christmas or other movies that show scenes on trains during the holidays, I am reminded on my memorable adventure on the Holiday Party Train in 1983.

Christmas in Iraq

December 6, 2022

Advent Calendar 2022

 Christmas in Iraq

One of my most memorable Christmas as an adult had to be the year I spent Christmas in Iraq.  And for the record…it was not a white Christmas.  But I do remember that we had a nice party and we did a secret Santa with all the folks in my section.  I was the NCOIC ) Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge) of the JAG section for the 36^th Combat Aviation Brigade stationed at Camp Anaconda, Balad, Iraq.  We deployed to Iraq in August 2006, and by the time December rolled around, we all started to feel homesick and sentimental about missing our families and the holidays at home.  I was writing a blog a few times a week throughout my deployment as away of letting people at home know how I was doing and what I was experiencing here.   One particular day, a few days before Christmas I wrote: 

Well there is only two shopping left until Christmas and I know that everyone at home is stressed out about all the shopping they have to do and blah blah blah. But try to relax. It will all be over soon. Over here...Christmas is in the air and we have been getting packages from our family and donations from organizations that are dedicated to supporting the troops (even if they don't support the war.) We have so much stuff right now that we are running out of space. But the excess stuff will not be wasted. We are packing it up and bringing it around to the civilian workers who are here from countries such as India, Guyana, and the Philippines. I met one of these workers from the Philippines at the PX the other day and we met for coffee one evening and talked about his situation. He is about 27 and has a wife and 3 children at home. He has been away from his family for over a year and is not likely to see them for at least another year. He told me that he works for a sub-contractor that provides workers to AAFES (that's the organization that runs the px). According to him, the contractor gets about $3000 per month for each worker it provides AAFES. Out of that $3000...the average worker is given a measly $600 per month! With no benefits. They live in large open-bay tents with heaters and air conditioners that work only half the time. To add insult to this, the workers have to pay the placement agency thousands of dollars just for the privilege of working. The average worker has to pay $500 dollars a month for the first 6 months. Which means he or she is working for about $100 monthly until they are able to pay off what they owe the agent. Pretty outrageous huh? It disturbs me that there is so much disparity between what government pays the contractors and what is actually passed on to the workers. I think that this type of exploitation is horrible and is one of the most offensive things I have seen since I have been here. Don't ask me why I am so offended by this but I guess it's just the bleeding heart liberal in me. Before I go...I am going to do something about this. Mark my words. Some of my fellow soldiers and I are going to visit some of these contractor villages on Christmas to make sure they know that we appreciate what they are doing for us. If I can give them a little cheer...well then it will be a very happy and meaningful Christmas. I hope Christmas is as meaningful for all of you. Merry Christmas!

On Christmas Eve, we all gathered at a place called the Outer Banks, which was kind of a club house built  a National Guard unit from one of the Carolinas.  I was a nice place to gather and decompress and to have a little fun.  There wasn’t much of that in the combat zone.  But that Christmas Eve my fellow soldiers and I enjoyed a nice meal, sang Christmas Carols and handled out our Secret Santa presents.  And we even got a visit from Santa who was a friend of our boss, who got around by flying Blackhawks most of the time.  The next day was Christmas, and we had a rare day off.  Although I missed home and my family and friends, I was grateful that I had my fellow soldiers with me that Christmas.  We took comfort in the company of each other and we knew we could all look forward to 2007 because we knew we’d be home for Christmas.  Thankful, we all made it home the next year.  And though we all had Christmas at home that next year, we would always remember Christmas 2006 in the desert.      

Dreaming of a White Christmas

 Advent Calendar December 5, 2022: Dreaming of a White Christmas

For many people…that four letter word that they fear the most is….SNOW. Yeah, I know. How can you fear snow? It’s just frozen rain. Many people freak out when it starts snowing and they rush out to stock up on the eggs and milk from the grocery stores because they fear they are going to be “snowed in.” And I get it…it’s not fun shoveling or driving in it. But still…I love it. Always have and always will. As a kid I think that my love affair with snow began because it reminded me of Christmas. And in Watertown, that meant that almost every year it was going to be a White Christmas. I remember my Grandmother complaining about having to deal with it. When she heard a big storm was coming (or even a little storm) she prayed hard that God would prevent it from being too bad. I on the other hand, prayed that the Lord would let it snow, snow, snow! More often than not, mother nature and God, seemed to side with me. I started looking forward to snow right after Labor Day, and when we hit October in Watertown, that meant snow was not far behind. Our first flakes usually started falling right after a hard freeze. And I would listen to our local weather guy every night to see if there was a chance of snow in the forecast. Dan Burgess was the guy and knew as much about weather as…well me. He was not a meteorologist like we have today. Just a local legend broadcaster who had his own kids show and did sports and weather on WWNY TV and on the radio. But when Danny said there might be snow in the forecast, I got real excited. One year, right before Halloween, Danny said that the rain that was forecast for that evening could briefly change to snow overnight. And I stayed up (really weird kid) and couldn’t wait to see it change from “President Rain” to “President Snow.” You see there happened to be a Presidential election that year so all I thought of was just like there was a transition from Ford to Carter happening, that “President Rain” was going to transition to “President Snow.” And I was going to be there when the Inauguration took place. So I stayed up. And I watched the rain coming down and waited. In those days, there was no Weather Channel or Weather Bug…just a station that scanned a camera over several weather dials that showed temperature, humidity, and Barometric pressure. I was fixed on that channel watching the temperature dial. I realized that when that dial hit 32 F, then “President Snow” would make his appearance. Late into the evening, it happened. The rain began changing to snow. It had arrived. Snow was here! I was excited and tired. So I went to sleep. Dreaming of a White Christmas. I awoke to…just rain. Apparently, the election had been called to soon. Rain was still in charge. It was after all, just mid-October. Within a month though, the snow would be back. And the winter of 1976/1977 was the snowiest on record in Watertown. And that year, we did in fact have a white Christmas. I live in Albany now. And Albany just doesn’t get as much snow as Watertown. And I can’t think of the last time we had a white Christmas. But I am hoping for this year. I will keep dreaming of a white Christmas.

Like

Comment

Share