Thursday, May 31, 2007

A Tough Month

Today is the last day of May. It has gotten hot in Iraq and it's been a very difficult month for civilians and soldiers alike. In is very hard to get a firm figure for the civilian deaths, but there have been hundreds this month. As far as soldiers, we have lost 119 in May. The third deadliest month since the war began in March 2003. The president and the generals will tell you that this is not a surprise. The up-tick in American deaths was expected, because our new tactics are riskier. No longer are we relying on fighting the enemy from spralling bases like Anaconda. Now we are sending smaller, more agile company-size or less units into the "belly of the beast". We are trying hard to win, not just by fire-power, but through doing the one thing we should have done better in the beginning....by winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people. This is counter-insurgency 101. We need to provide them the basics... security, food, water, electricity. In return for that.....they will provide us with information. Who are the terrorists...who are insurgents...who are the enemy? Who's laying IEDs, who's recruiting suicide bombers, who's blowing up buses in Baghdad? But to be successful at this strategy, we have to get closer to the people. We have to be more vunerable. We have to except more risks and more death. President Bush recently said he knows that August will be a very bad time. He expects more death. But this is the price of war, he says..and the price that we have to pay to win in Iraq. To defeat terrorism. So as tough as May has been...my guess is...it is only the beginning of a long, hot, summer of death in the desert.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day in Iraq

Last year at this time I was in Kentucky and Tennessee spending the holiday with my family. I remember alot about that weekend. I went to see my nephews play baseball, went to my neice's birthday, and then celebrated a graduation party for my neice Samantha in a park in Kentucky. It was a fun, relaxing weekend. This year...well there is a totally different feel to this year. Since last Memorial Day, over 1000 more soldiers have been killed. In January, my Brigade lost 3 of them. I didnt know anyone who had died in this war last year. Thats different this year. I know 3 men who won't be returning with us. And we all know that at anytime, we could be taken as well. Because in this war, there is no "front" and there is no "rear". There is just us and lot's of people who hate us. Thats it. In a nutshell. There is this strange, uneasy feeling we all have. Not quite knowing what will happen, but feeling that something really bad is about to happen. I think most of feel that this is a lost cause right now, but as Tennyson wrote, "Theirs is not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die." I read his famous poem (The Charge of the Light Brigade) and I reflected on it alot. I dedicate it to all those who we have lost to this war and other wars. May they always be remembered, not just on Memorial Day, but everyday.

The Charge Of The Light Brigade
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Memorializing Events in the Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854Written 1854

Half a league half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of
Death Rode the six hundred: 'Forward, the Light Brigade! Charge for the guns' he
said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 'Forward, the Light
Brigade!' Was there a man dismay'd ? Not tho' the soldier knew Some one had
blunder'd: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do
& die, Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. Cannon to right of
them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of
Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. Flash'd all their sabres
bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army
while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro' the line
they broke; Cossack & Russian Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,Shatter'd &
sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. Cannon to right of
them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd
at with shot and shell, While horse & hero fell, They that had fought so
well Came thro' the jaws of Death, Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was
left of them, Left of six hundred. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge
they made! All the world wonder'd. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light
Brigade, Noble six hundred!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

10 Months in the Zone!

Tomorrow represents the end of the 10th month of my deployment in the combat zone. And the beginning of the 11th month. I officially got to Kuwait on the morning of August 23rd, 2006. It was really, really hot. In fact, heres what I wrote the day after arriving:


The last 24 hours have been the longest I can remember since basic
training. It began late Monday night when we were rounded up and bussed to a gym on Fort Hood and went through the final stages of paper work and inprocessing before we got on the plane. This was also the last chance that family members and friends had to see their soldiers off. It was pretty emotional and I was feeling for them and for myself as well. Just before midnight we got back on the bus and headed to the airfield where the huge plane was waiting. There the USO was there and gave us nice care packages and we hung out until it was time to load. A short time later we got on the plane and took off. We stopped off in Maine first, where we were greeted by USO volunteers and veterans from WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. It was nice to know that they supported us...if not the war. Back on the plane and off to Germany, we we changed planes and headed to our current location somewhere in the middle east. (can you guess where?...) I will be here for a for a week or more and then head to Iraq. Damn it is hot. I don't think anyone can fully appreciate how hot....and its not humid but it doesn't matter. Haha. Sand is everywhere. I am tired and worn out but my spirits are high. Its weird to think that 24 hours ago I was in Texas...and now....not. Haha. I will keep you all posted. (original post date August 23, 2007)

Kuwait is an interesting place. More desert then anything else. And hotter then it should ever be anywhere. Today it was 110 degrees. But in late August, this was the headline of my blog one day: "133 Degrees". I then penned this entry:

You know why there will never be peace in the middle east?...cause its too @@@@ing Hot! Thats right its was 133 degrees some time today. At night I use a blanket because it gets down to 100. Ha Ha. Its like in February and March in NY when we wake up to that first 50 degree weather and people want to start wearing shorts after a long winter. Crazy. Yep. I have never seen heat like this before. Oh its a dry heat too. The wind blows the heat and sand around and it get everywhere. Mostly in your mouth and nose. Next time you go out for a slice of pizza after drinking ask the guy if you can put your own slice in the oven. When he gives you the slice, stick it in along with your head. Keep it there for about 5 minutes. THATS HOW @@@@ING HOT IT IS!!!..Sorry Sherry. The heat is getting to me. We are not doing much except laying around and some classes now and then. There is a couple of big tents that have lots of movies, internet, books, and other stuff to do. There is a theater where they show lots of good movies. Mostly we go there to cool off. Happy Birthday to Christa! I hope her surprise party was wild and crazy. I know she and my peeps drank a little bit of wine. The only thing we have here is "Near Beer". Thats the non-alcohol stuff. I was hoping they would come up with the NA version of Grey Goose. But I doubt it. Well this week should be exciting. I understand that there is a big ass sandstorm heading our way! Yep. Sand and 80 miles an hour winds. These things are nasty and can last up to 5 days. We have to get plastic bags and seal up all our shit. Oh and we have to go out to the px and get our goat milk and eggs in case we get stranded. There will most likely be a mad rush for those things once the weather channel issues the storm warning....lol. Woo Hoo...maybe we will get a sand day...no school! At any rate, I guess things are going ok. Everyday I spend here is one more day I can cross off the calendar." (original post date August 27, 2007)

Iraq, I have to say, has been much better. There is a least a little vegetation and trees here. Kuwait?...just a lot of effin sand. In late July, I will make a return trip there on my way home. Somehow, I won't mind the return trip much. I'll be going home. At any rate, I am happy the time is going by fast. 10 months down...two to go!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Bloody Bloody Surge

For the last several weeks, there have been thousands of new troops deployed to Iraq. Americans have heard about this "surge" of 30,000 or more soldiers who are here to improve the security situation down in Baghdad, but we actually get to see them. I am in Balad (Camp Anaconda) and almost all of these new soldiers are stopping here before they get to their final destination (Baghdad). They arrive by C130 and then are bussed over to our side of base where their transportation will be helo's for the short flight to Baghdad. I work near the airfield, so for the last several weeks when I would be leaving the office I would walk past the terminal where the formations of soldiers, with all there gear, would be waiting for their flights south. They are young. Very young. Mostly men, but a few woman as well. They are doing what we all did when we first got into the country. We were anxious...excited....and a little awkward. We didn't know what to expect. As I looked out at the formation, I saw their bags and gear lined up and I watched them as they interacted with each other and did the whole hurry up and wait game. Some read books...some listed to their MP3s. A few smoked and shot the shit. They didn't look scared this bunch. Not at all. Just the opposite. They looked content. Excited that they were finally going to be "in the fight." They...were going to war. But we members of the "Fobbets" club, (named for those of us who rarely leave the FOB) we feel a little envious of them. I mean, we know that we all have our jobs to do, but still, we all feel a little guilty about knowing that these guys are going into some horrible shit while we live in our safe little "gated community" and have many of the comforts of home like movies, swimming pools, and fast food. Today I read that a young paralegal (which is what I am) was killed two days ago in combat related action. He was young...not infantry....a paper pusher. Yet he was killed. Like hundreds who have died since the surge began, he was most likely blown up by an IED or a suicide bomber. He didn't join to knock down doors. To root out insurgents. He joined to be a paralegal. I bet for the college money. This is not a unique story I am sure. I wonder how many of the soldiers I passed on their way to Baghdad have met with a similar fate? I shudder to think. It is painful to think of any of those young kids losing their lives before they have had a real chance to live at all. God. I won't tell you what I wish for. It will upset many of you. I don't want to do that to you. I am safe....but inside...I feel torn. And yes...I feel a little guilty. I don't know why I guess. Well yes...actually I do. Think of them. Pray for them.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Mom

This Sunday is mother's day. It is the third straight one without my mom. I miss her. My mother died a little over 2 years ago. I was there with her at the end, along with my brother Bill, Ron, Sherry, and my sister Jeannie. I am grateful to have had the chance to be with her when she passed. I just wish I could have been there more with her when she was living. But such is life. I never seem to say the things I want to say to the people that I love. I don't know why that is. When my dad was lying in a hospital bed dying of a stroke, I wanted to tell him that I loved him...but I never did. I regret that. There are lots of things I wanted to say to my mother. I never did. I really regret that. My parents were decent people. My dad was a career military. But he was not the most squared away soldier...he got busted a few times. But he did serve honorable in WWII and Korea. He retired after 20 years as a E-4. Not a lot of money there. My mom was a stay at home mom. She gave birth to 7 of us. They both did their best to keep us all clothed, housed, and fed. The one thing I can say about both of them...we never felt unloved by them. They gave us and showed us that a lot. So we were poor, but we got by alright. It is difficult for me to explain to you my feelings for my parents. There are still so many unresolved issues that I have with both of them. Recently I have been thinking a lot about that last weekend with my mom. In late February 2005, I was in the middle of a three week run of A Streetcar Named Desire at Albany Civic Theater. I was playing the role of Mitch...(the Carl Malden role). Mitch is the one who is Stanley's best friend who is lonely and lives with his sick mother. Very sad character. Anyway, I got a call from my brother telling me that my mother (who we found out had inoperable lung cancer) was very close to death. He told me that if I wanted to see her I should get down there very quickly. I knew I would have to, but I was I was still in denial and thought that it would be OK for me to do the show that weekend and then leave on Monday to see her. Surely she would hold on for a few more days. My sister Jeanne got on the phone with me and she seemed to indicate that mom was not as bad as everyone was saying and that if I waited until Monday that would be fine. She was in denial too. Finally, my brother Ron got on the phone and he told me that it was that bad and that it was up to me to get down there before she died if I wanted to see her one last time. That did it. I made the plan to head down there the next day. I quickly made some calls and found a replacement to fill my role for the Saturday and Sunday shows, but I had to do the show that night. It was very surreal. I was playing a man whose mother was dying and didn't have long to live and that was the exact situation I found myself in for real. Well the next day I flew down to Kentucky and I had the chance to spend the next 48 hours with my mom and brothers and sisters. It was very sad. Very emotional. It was the longest 48 hours of my life. But I got a chance to speak to my mom, and to sing to her. And to hold her hand. We could even understand her when she tried to speak sometimes. But it is so hard to watch someone slip away like this. I nearly lost it at one point. I couldn't stand watching her struggle to breath. At one point, I told her to go..it was alright. But she was going to go on her own terms..not mine. Her time, it turned out, was early Monday morning. I remember watching her chest move up and down....and then nothing. The nurse came over to take her pulse and to listen to her heart. She looked at us and turned off the respirator. We all knew what that meant. My mother took one last final breath and then that was it. I instantly thought....it should be like this....our mothers see us take our first breath...we should be there when they take their last. As painful as this was, I am so grateful I was there.
Mom...I do miss you. I hope you know how much I loved you. How much I wish I could have been more open with you. How much I wish I took the time to get to know you better. How I wish I was a better son to you. I hope where ever you are...that you happy. I hope that you and dad and Grandma and Aunt Joan are have a good game of cards and talking about the things you use to do. Have a great Mothers Day. To all you out there, who still have their moms. Do the right thing. Call her and tell her you love her. Send her flowers. Just spend time with her. You won't regret it.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Mission Accomplished? Not So Much.

Yesterday was the May 1st. Four years ago, President Bush landed on the aircraft carrier and gave a speech under a huge sign that read "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED". He stated, "Major combat operations have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and its allies have PREVAILED." Hm. Really? We won? Since that day, 3200 American soldiers have died in Iraq. Since that day, nearly 25,000 soldiers have been wounded as a result of the war. Since May 1st 2003, we have spent well over 400 BILLION dollars fighting this war. But to Bush and all the cool-aid drinkers at the pentagon, its blood and money well spent to bring peace and democracy to the people of Iraq. They still believe that the US will prevail here. But ask the average soldier...and he or she will tell you that we don't see any way that the people of Iraq will ever know true peace or democracy. It just ain't gonna happen. (at least not in our lifetime). It is hard to believe that our involvement in this war has now lasted longer then our involvement in WWI, WWII, and the Korean conflict. And just what are we fighting for this time? The rationale for the war has changed over time, so I am not sure what we are fighting for. But I know this....we are still at war....people are dying and the mission is far from accomplished. It is a sad day. A sad anniversary. Very sad indeed.